Best Jokes Part 1

Best Jokes Part 1

1 "What do we want!? More research into a cure for ADHD! When do we want it!? Let's play swingball!"Joe Lycett, Pleasance Courtyard

2 "I've been keeping a count of the prostitutes I've been sleeping with. Tally ho." Mark Smith, Pleasance Courtyard

3 "I was very naive sexually. My first boyfriend asked me to do missionary and I buggered off to Africa for six months." Hayley Ellis, Pleasance Courtyard

4 "Gok Wan has a programme telling us what to wear, now what to eat. I feel like I'm in an abusive relationship with Channel 4." Hayley Ellis, Pleasance Courtyard

5 "I really fancy Ed Miliband. Mainly because he looks like David Miliband reflected in a spoon." Gráinne Maguire, Udderbelly – Daisy

6 "The Only Way Is Essex's popularity is mystifying . Nothing happens in it. It's like a never ending hen night mixed with Samuel Beckett's Waiting for Godot."

Gráinne Maguire, Udderbelly – Daisy

7 "The best musical to go and see at the moment is Ghost. Apparently it's still starring Patrick Swayze." Tom Deacon, Pleasance Dome

8 "My Dad's advice when I was younger about women was 'Treat 'em mean keep 'em keen'. I guess that's why they had that divorce."

Tom Deacon, Pleasance Dome

9 "You can keep paying us and we'll keep waving from the balcony."

Andrew Maxwell on the Royal Family, Assembly George Square

10 "Watching porn on the internet is like witnessing a crime scene – I feel like I need to call the police."Alan Davies, EICC